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Some of you, my friends, are not kind to yourself when you catch yourself feeling angry STILL, when you catch yourself being judgemental STILL (after all your learning and growing), or when you aren’t able to seamlessly implement a new way of relating to your partner.
This is your invitation to stop weaponizing your own growth like that.
I have used my own growth and learning against myself many times, too… and I guarantee getting mad at yourself for not suddenly being the version of you that you want to be never helps you get there.
You may USE YOUR GROWTH AGAINST YOURSELF when it comes to your relationship.
It sounds like this in your head:
😔What’s wrong with me?
😔I shouldn’t still be feeling so angry when he doesn’t put the toilet seat down!
😔 I should’ve known how to respond better.
😔Why am I still reacting so strongly after all I’ve learned?
😔I should be past this by now.
😔I read a whole book. I got some great takeaways and here I am still repeating the same old habits!
😔I am hopeless! I’ll never overcome these ways…
😫I’ll never have a good relationship with him…
Telling ourselves such things because we haven’t mastered a new way of being is counterproductive! It makes it HARDER to grow.
Because self-judgment and shame never encourage real growth and healthy integration.
What actually works to continue to grow and make the progress you want is to encourage yourself through it. To remind yourself that:
😘 change doesn’t happen in a straight line.
😘healthy growth is often two steps forward, one step back.
😘the brain doesn’t integrate change in one giant leap.
😘you are normal
😘your growth is happening at exactly the right pace.
If you encouraged yourself like this when change isn’t coming as quickly as you wish (the way your good friend would, with love and acceptance of exactly where you are at the moment), how would you feel?
What might that do for your capacity to actually grow?
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#personaldevelopment #highlysensitiveperson #hsp #selfdevelopment #growthmindset #growth #change #transformation #marriage #marriageimprovement #marriagecounseling #marriagecounselor #marriageproblems
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