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A client once told me that once she got the ring she thought she was “done with the work”.
This is a common perception, because we live in a culture that teaches us (misguidedly) that we shouldn’t have to work to have a happy marriage.
And we often do find someone with whom we feel a good match. We commit to each other with visions of ease and happiness.
Then things start to feel harder:
😦You start to notice how often he doesn’t take interest in what you say
😦or he takes up more than his fair share of the bed,
😧or he’s much messier than you thought
😧or you get upset with him (and then yourself) regularly
Without the easy flow of love we expected, most of us think something has gone wrong with the marriage itself. That maybe you should just be alone or find a more well-matched partner.
Because we believed the lie that it should be easy, we don’t see creating ongoing ever-deepening love as a fun challenge–the way we see lots of challenges.
Think about it: We don’t take up a sport or sign up to get a degree because we think it’s going to be easy. We don’t expect the goal of rock climbing our way to the top of a huge cliff is just going to be handed to us.
No. We do it knowing that it’s hard. AND excited for the challenge. Knowing the exhilaration of getting to that goal is worth gold. Knowing how amazing we will feel about ourselves once we get there.
Turns out, most of us do think growing is actually FUN.
Creating an exceptional marriage is no different!
Like anything worth its salt in life, staying in love is something you stretch yourself for, rearrange yourself internally for, while enjoying the exhilaration it brings.
It’s the most rewarding challenge you can take on for yourself ever. And it will change every single part of your life for the BETTER.
P.S. If you want the kind of marriage you used to dream you could have, and are ready for the growing it takes to get there– but you don’t want it to feel so hard, so lonely, so grueling– come coach with me.
We’ll make it fun and exhilarating together.
Message me to set up a chat about what it will look like for you.
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